Rejected Guy with FlowersTell me if this is you… You’ve started working up the courage to talk to women out at the bars, but there’s a problem: You’re not getting anywhere. Maybe she shuts you down right after your opener, maybe she bails out 5 minutes into the conversation, or maybe she sticks around just long enough to give you a fake number. In any case, you’re facing female rejection. What steps do you take to move past this?

The first is simply realizing that this happens to all guys, and moreover, that this rejection is nothing personal. You may be thinking, “But I’m a great guy. I’m smart, kind, easy going, I have a great job, and so on. She doesn’t know what she is missing.” Guess what? You’re right, she doesn’t know what she’s missing! All she knows is whether the initial 2 - 3 minutes of conversation that you gave her were intriguing or not. Were you exciting? Did you have high energy? Were your able to successfully pique her interest? Did you challenge her? Did you make her laugh? Did you talk about something completely unique? In other words, did you present yourself as a social and interesting guy who is different from the rest of the AFCs in the bar? If you didn’t, your chances of rejection are high. But remember, she’s not rejecting you — she’s simply rejecting your approach. Do not take this personally. Forget about it and move on.

Step two is fixing the problem. You must identify what you’re doing wrong, and change it. This is going to take lots of reading, and lots of practice. No, there are no “magic bullets.” And yes, you’re going to have to face many more rejections as you master your art. We’ll be covering a ton of in depth material on this in future posts, but for now, we’re going to run down some quick tips that can quickly improve your success rate.

  • Smile!
  • Keep your head up (physically!.. and mentally too).
  • Don’t hesitate when you see a target.
  • Bring a high level of energy into the interaction.
  • Be confident.
  • Make eye contact.
  • Remember that you need to do most of the talking. Initially, up to 90%.
  • Don’t ask the same lame questions as every other guy.
    • “What’s your name?”
    • “Do you come here often?”
    • “Do you live around here?”
    • “What do you do for a living?”
    • And never ever, “Can I buy you a drink?”
  • Tell an interesting story, or get her opinion on something. Don’t be afraid to make it slightly edgy or sexual.
  • Set a false time constraint so that you appear to be in high demand.
  • Challenge her. Make her work for your interest.